A picture can often have more than one meaning. On most any given day I would place the following picture next to the definition of 'self-loathing' in my own personal dictionary. But the negative sarcasm really isn't doing much for me these days so I think it'd be healthier for me to call it 'a new beginning'. Ready? Here it is:

Yikes. OK. I'll get the excuses over with first and quickly. I quit smoking back in February. (although admittedly I did already weigh about 150 at the time.) Also, a couple three years ago I started wearing levi's 515's every day. You can literally wear those (they sit below the waist) at seven months pregnant I'll bet!

Almost five years ago I went to a Weight Watchers meeting. You know; it was January and the room was full to the brim with chubby women wanting to make good on those New Years' resolutions. The first question the WW employees ask you is "How much do you want to lose?" I weighed 147 at the time. It was the highest I'd weighed since giving birth 20 years before. I remember saying, "OH, 20 pounds." as if it might as well have been a hundred. Well, it took nine months--most of 2002, but see here for yourself:

That goal of 127 was coincidentally reached two days before John and I got married. Here's a pic of us dancing at our wedding.Sept 1, 2002:

Gosh I felt good that day. By the way, our surprise wedding is really a fun story...I posted a scrapbook of the story and pics here if you'd like to see.

Back to present day, my dear sweet husband was taking candid shots at the school dinner we hosted a table at last month...look at this lovely 'before' shot he got of me:

Oh my. Now there's motivation! Poor John--I give him grief for never thinking to pick up the camera and take a picture, then when he does I'm cranky about the pic he got. But that's another story. I have to say that being a chubby chick has been an eye-opener. Those back rolls..kinda under the shoulder blades...yuck. I feel them all day and it just makes me feel gross. The belly fat? No longer suck-inable. I used to not be able to run for long on the treadmill because I was a smoker. Now it's difficult because I'm carrying 40 extra pounds. Every morning when my feet first hit the floor I have to step so gingerly going "ow ow ow ow ow" all the way in to the bathroom. I refuse to own more than one pair of 'fat jeans' so I have to replace them fairly frequently due to the threadbare patch I create from my inner thighs rubbing together. I now have a clear understanding of how miserable most fat people must be. Even if one is mentally 'okay' with being overweight, it's just outright physically difficult and uncomfortable. So. I've got the empathy now for a large (pun) part of our population, but it's time to get back into a more comfortable body. It's bad enough getting old. Fat AND old is just more than I can bear. I know I'm a week early for resolutions but here I am today resolving to lose the weight this coming year.  Just in time to be 'fabulous at 50' on my 2008 birthday! :-) I won't bore you with daily updates here on the blog...just an occasional one to keep me honest. I'm hoping that by 'going public' here, someone out there somewhere will keep me on notice, like, "Hey Jen...how's that weight loss going?" if I haven't mentioned it for a while. Maybe I've even prompted one of you to think about conquering something that's been keeping you down?

Comments

[Michelle Infantino]

well, when we get back from FL life is gonna change. i'm achin in my hips and ankles and i'm a few years younger. lordy. the thought of weight loss makes me tired.

good luck--i know you can do it.

[Barbara]

Ditto with Christa said, and I agree with Tina's comments about the shoes!!! Best of luck on achieving your goals!!!

[Christa H.]

Jen- you are pretty no matter what your weight.
I am so happy that you quit smoking- that alone is a HUGE accomplishment...good luck on your new challenge....

[Sue McG]

LOL Jen, Tina beat me to it - before you weigh in you have take off the shoes, your clothes, your earrings ... make sure your hair isn't wet, breath out ...
Good luck in your quest - I know you can achieve anything you put your mind to. I put the brakes on a little earlier this year, and it's working pretty well - just takes an attitude adjustment and increased awareness.

[lauradodson]

well for goodness sakes...i really just got off the scale myself and thought "what happened here?" laziness on my part is what happened here. *sigh* i have also attended WW before but i know I can do this myself since I lost 50lbs. after Joshua was born and then 30 after Caleb. thanks for the post, it was motivating. i will begin today.

[tina]

silly jen, take off the shoes! Everyone knows shoes weigh at least 40 pounds, heck- i've got big feet and I'm sure my shoes weigh at least 100 pounds.

I am going back on WW too, DH and I have been bad- I would type my list of excuses here...but you know how that is- I lie to myself, I'm just lazy. Oh well, nothing to do but keep my chins up and get back on the wagon ;) Great news on you being smoke-free though!

[dede Warren]

yet another thing we have in common. i started WW in sept, and have lost almost 15 lbs. i weigh just a few lbs more than you now do, 170. i too agree, growing old gracefully is all i'm asking of my self. i'm won't be 50 until 2014, but fungure i am too young to let myself go!! so jen, you can do this, we both can. it's work, but we are worth it!! rock on girlfriend!! those pictures are a real eye opener!!

[Baby Tease]

Hi Jen,

I'm one of those that has become "okay" with it and accepted it after all of these years. Been this way since I was a kid. Tried everything... I won't go on.

I WISH YOU ALL OF THE COURAGE AND STRENGTH YOU CAN MUSTER. It's not about luck. If you want it bad enough, you will do it. Be logical about calories, carbs and protein, and exercise. It should happen slowly, so you don't gain it back. And WATER, WATER, WATER.

Take care, Kim.